My Life in Mono...

Why: Self talk - from Negative to Positive

“I am the greatest, I said that even before I knew I was.” – Muhammad Ali

Not many people like to admit that they talk to themselves.  I am one of those who would openly admit that I do, and I do it out loud too.  I talk to myself in the car, on my desk at work and when I run. We all do.  Whether it's in our heads, which I think 90% of us do, or out loud.  What we say to ourselves though is a different thing. 

"You are so dark? Why are you always playing in the sun?" 

"You are so stupid. Why didn't you score better marks?"

"You are fat. Why do you always eat and eat and not do any exercise?"

"Why are you sitting on the couch doing nothing? Don't you have any goals? Why are you so lazy?"

"You can't buy a business! You will fail! Miserably!"

These are some of the self talk I use to say to myself, still do from time to time, and also so sad that some of these words have been uttered to my face. Yep.  Not so bright an cheery in my life sometimes isn't it?

I use to be deflated. No aim or goals in life.  I remember telling a friend, I do not have a bucket list because I am content with my life.  I LIED.  The truth? I simply can't be bothered because in my head, I have already set myself up to fail by telling myself, I am not good enough to do anything.

WHY the change? I want to achieve things.  I want to stop self loath and hate.  I have decided enough is enough and I am taking charge of my own happiness. 6 months on, I am slowly walking down that road.  It is hard one some days. On days when I am stressed and overwhelm by things around me. 

One thing I have learnt from my journey so far, is acknowledgement.  Acknowledgement of  my feelings.  This is the one key I did not have.  What I use to do when I feel negative of myself. I use to sweep it under the rug and forget about it until it resurfaces and usually when it does, it doubles in amount. So now, I acknowledge my negative feelings, ask myself is this useful to me in a way? Why am I feeling this way? How can I make it better and deal with it? Is it within my control to stop?  If it is something that is said to me negatively, I can't stop that from happening. I acknowledge the fact that it is usually a feeling that someone is having towards themselves and projected on to us.

What I have also learnt in my numerous Enjo training, is to believe in your abilities. Focus on the things that you can do and not on the things that you can not do.  They use a lot of visualisation and the energy of positive thinking.  I was skeptical at first because I know this isn't me, but I gave it a go anyways.  I changed my mind set and I have been reaping the rewards since.  It's so strange to see that positive things have been happening to me.

Now, if I am faced with something difficult or stressful, I usually visualise myself going through it, and tell myself over and over again that I can do it.  I will reach the end and I will make it happen.  Usually I will come out of it unscathed but on the occasion that I don't make it, I sit down, assess, acknowledge what happend and learn how to do it differently. 

 

 

 

Why: Life Coaching

If you keep doing what you have always done, you will keep on getting what you have always got" - WL Bateman

Isn't it true? I use to be completely predictable.  I do things on autopilot.  I don't do things that is outside my comfort zone, but this year, I have done a 360 and did everything that is outside my comfort zone. I am running, running my own business, trying new food, new activities and etc. I am so out of my comfort zone that I have agreed to be coached by a Life Coach for 5 weeks. 

When a call out was made on Facebook looking for volunteers for 5 weeks Pro Bono Coaching, I jumped at the opportunity.  Liz, the Life Coach is amazing.  Think of her as your personal trainer BUT for your life instead of fitness stuff.  I felt comfortable talking to her and she was surprised with how honest I was and how open I was to things.  She did say that her job is not telling me what and what not to do. Her job is to guide me and hold my hands and walk with me as I go down the path.

If you asked me to see a Life Coach last year, I would have told you to get off your high horse and leave me alone.  My Why? Because I realised that I have all these dreams in my head and if I tell someone, it will be my reality and it will happen, something that I learnt this year, how to change your inner dialogue, but I hope to cover that in another post.  Liz will keep me accountable and I know she will keep tabs on me. I need that.  I need someone to occasionally poke and prod me.  How is she different from a good friend? Well Liz is not in my circle of friends. She doesn't have to worry about my feelings that much, well she does, but you know what I mean. :) It's a different ball game with her.  Kinda like the ladies at Weight Watcher or Jenny Craig where they weigh you in every week and ask you questions.

So what are we working on? Clutter.  Clutter in my mind and clutter in my home. I have decided this would be the year that I get rid of anything that is unnecessary in my home and in my mind.  I decided to work on the clutter in my home first because if I have a clutter free home, I think a clutter free mind will come in naturally.

The two reasons that we have identified why there are so many things in my home?  I am emotionally attached to it and I am financially attached to it.  These two are the WHY,  I am not getting rid of things that have little to less value or use in my house.  At the end of this exercise, I envision my home to be some what akin to a minimalist home. :)  I did say to her that while I was cleaning out the closet in my daughter's room, I asked myself, Why do I have so much shit that I don't really need? And it just clicked. 

So, I am taking it one step or should I say one area at a time.  This week, my task is to clear the Lil' Tiger's Montessori Table. The funny thing is, a Montessori shelf is suppose to be minimal and only have job trays that has a purpose.  I have been neglecting her table for a while now and that is going to change this weekend.  I have allocated time to sort it out.  1 hour. 1 hour to do what I can and not get myself stressed or overwhelm by doing it.

Liz gave me some ideas on how to deal with emotional attachements to things, have a Maybe Box, and you put things in this box that you are unsure about, come back to it in 6 months.  If you have not open the box and look for the items in the last 6 months, you are not missing it at all and it can be donated or given away.

At the end of my session with Liz, I felt empowered and so determined to get that table sorted that when I came home, I organised and cleared my dining room! It was not my intention to do it but I was buzzed when I came home that I just dove straight into it! 

Me, getting rid of the clutter in my life, is definitely outside my comfort zone and already, I am feeling a little better about clearing it and I know I will acheive great things. :)  

You can find Liz's blog, HERE,  and she writes beautifully too! Liz will be fully qualified to take clients in 5-6 weeks time. :) So until then, if you need a little guidence, read her blog, drop a comment and tell her Feli sent you.

 

 

Listening: TED Talks

Since January, I have been driving to work.  It sucks sometimes because I have to sit in traffic and stare out the window waiting for the car in front of me to move, but lately, I have discovered the joys of listening to Podcasts.   I no longer have to listen to radio DJs trying to make a joke, I no longer have to listen to people calling and winning prizes (because I am jealous that they are getting a tonne of cash) and I no longer need to listen to songs being repeated over and over again.  I just switch my Podcasts app on, listen to my favourite Podcast and away I go. 

Some of my favourite Podcasts are from NPR, Wait Wait Don't Tell me, Ask Me Another and my current favourite, the TED Radio Hour.  The first two are hilarious and I sometimes laugh out loud in my car that the person in the car next to me looks at me funny.  It makes the start of my day some what less daunting.  I no longer dread the commute anymore, in fact, I look forward to it because I get to spend time with myself listening to my favourite radio without interruption.

I also get to learn when I listen to the TED Radio Hour and maybe get some motivation and try to apply it to my life. Some of the talks are really inspiring and some are funny.  I had a light bulb moment the other day when I listened to this talk by Luis von Ahn, about how he came up with "Captcha and ReCaptcha", you know the squigly letters we need to enter when we sign up to something or buy something online to let the website know that we are infact human not computer programs.  Did you know that everytime you enter in one of the Captcha words, you help digitise a book?  HOW FREAKING AMAZING IS THAT! (you can listen to his talk here as I have linked his talk on the post)

 

Listening to talks like these makes me look at every day life in a different light.  It makes me feel like I can do so much with so little.  It makes me feel like, "Hey, there are good people out there doing amazing things!" If you get a chance to listen to TED Radio Hour, you might want to download the Haves and Have-Nots episode.  So inspiring. 

Mulling over...

I am finding it a little hard to write these days.  The hot weather, events in life and etc.  I feel that the blog has been a little neglected.  I need inspiration, I need ideas.  How do beautiful women like (this, this, this and this) find the inspiration, and beautiful photos to boot, to write? *sigh* They are beautiful photos aren't they?  These ladies are my current inspiration. They are so passionate about their lives.  I need to find something that I am passionate about this year. :)

So, taking heed from Steph @ This Brown Wren, I am going to reflect on my current life...

connecting - lately, I have been connecting with a great bunch of mums.  they are so passionate about the little ones.  we learn a lot from each other and hopefully, our kids will grow up together.  these women are currently my rock.  they give me so much encouragements and advise. 

nourishing - we have been cooking more at home since the beginning of the year.  every week, I sit down on our dining room floor with my trusty cook books and plan our meals for the week.  6 dinners, 2 lunches. 

reading - sadly, this has stopped since end of November.  I ran out of series to read.  I am such a picky reader, only reading paranomal romance, and books in the series that I am reading are still being written. I manage to read a total of 18 books last year. that is by far the highest and best record for me.

playing - not much outdoors play this time of year. the heat does not go well with either the Lil' Tiger and I.  the heat triggers her eczema and it triggers my migraine. we have been playing a lot indoors.  currently her favourite is playing doctors and nurses.  she of course is the doctor.

creating - meals in the kitchen.  I love that now, I can come home early and start making meals for my family.  I feel so at home in the kitchen. It's the heart of our home. Will share some of our family favourites soon.

nurturing - learning how to be thankful for little things this year.  Everyweek over on Instagram, I will post something that I am thankful for. 

Growing - beetroots shoots have started to come out from our little veggie patch.  Just when I thought I have lost them for good. Also chillies waiting to harvest soon.

Listening - Sara Bareillies - Brave. 

 

Jar of Happiness...

While on Pinterest during my Christmas break, I keep seeing pins of "Jars of Happiness" being pinned over and over again and was interested with the idea. 

What you do is fill an empty jar with important or happy moments in your life for the year, and on New Year's Eve, you read everything in the jar and marvelled at the awesome, brilliant and happy things that you did for the year! How awesome is that? AWESOME! 

All you really need is an empty jar and that is it. You can find bits of paper when ever and I am pretty sure you have a pen lying somewhere at home. Why not start a tiny tradition this year? It's never too late to start. 

I already have 2 notes in there. I won't really tell you what it is but it involved the Lil' Tiger's milestone that I am so proud of. I still can not believe she is growing up. Owh... I am getting all teary eyed. 

SO, WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN ME ON A HAPPINESS ADVENTURE IN A JAR? 

{image}

 

Guest Post: Perth Wife...

I would like to introduce Perth Wife to the MiLM blog. I know Perth Wife through Twitter and I absolutely love they way she writes. She has a great sense of humour and at the same time has this "cut the crap" honesty that I like. 

Today, she will be sharing her tips on Combining Finances after a marriage. I think it is really important to discuss with your partner about this as it can get messy at times. 

 

Combining Finances - The Good, The Bad and The Ugly by Perth Wife

Firstly, Husband and I didn't combine our bank accounts until about a year after we were married. We had meant to do it earlier, but what with getting over the paperwork overdose that comes three seconds after you get married, then the honeymoon, then the gift opening, then the thank you cards that needed to be sent, then a bunch of other uninteresting crap and the resuming of normal life, combining bank accounts just seemed to get forgotten about. Then occasionally (usually once a month when our separate bank statements from our separate banks arrived in the letterbox) one of us would murmur, "We really should sort this out and combine everything. It'll be easier."

So one day, we did. It was a very bland afternoon visiting a few different banks. But since going from my own bank account to one I have to share, this is what I've learnt:

The Good

Husband is a nerd who pays all of our bills. On time. Every time! I no longer have to worry about overdue fees on my phone bill (or paying interest on my credit card). I also don't have to spend time going through envelopes, logging onto our online banking system, making sure there's enough money in our everyday account for the mortgage payment to be paid before moving a large chunk into our savings account. It's bliss!

The Bad

It doesn't really feel like "my" money. I know, I know - it's our money. But because I'm a traditional housewife who doesn't do any form of paid work, I often get the guilts about spending money. Even on stupid things like an expensive grocery shop where I bought bulk packs of meat and seafood to freeze down. I feel the need to apologise for spending a lot, even though the next month of grocery shopping will be quite cheap whilst we munch our way through the kilograms of lamb, beef or prawns I bought previously. When I've mentioned this to Husband, he looks at me like I've suddenly just started talking Farsi. "It's food, we're eating it, it's not like you went out and bought a two kilo's of diced diamonds to freeze down and turn into casseroles."

And let's not even start about the money I spend on a few little hobbies of mine! I always feel the need to ask permission before I buy anything. Again, Husband just says, "As long as you get enjoyment out of it, use it and it doesn't go to waste, then go ahead. And stop asking permission. It's OUR money!"

Yes dear, all right - OUR money.....

The Ugly

When I had my own bank account, I could slip the occasional expensive purchase past Husband. Nowadays, he sees everything - our damn bank account lists everything in chronological order as soon as he opens up the online account.

Admittedly, I'm a pretty reasonable person. But occasionally, I splash out. $650 on a pair of shoes? Why not - they were on sale! In a classic style that I'll wear for years! (And I do actually mean that - I have an awesome, and expensive, pair of boots that I've so far had for eight years that still look great.) But every time Husband sees a purchase that exceeds $500 for something he doesn't deem necessary or worthy or useful (such as food or the aforementioned hobbies), he has a minor coronary event. When I had my own bank account, I could smuggle these rare purchases into my wardrobe and tell a small fib about how much it cost. These days, it's impossible.

But at the end of the day, combining bank accounts has made life easier and simpler. We both know where we stand financially rather than each having to talk about how our separate bank accounts are doing financially and who should pay the electricity bill this quarter because the mortgage and phone bill is coming out of the others account. It's no longer fiddly, or difficult. All our money is there in one spot. And all I have to do is remember to save up physical money and pay in cash if I want to make a large purchase on a handbag - it wouldn't do to give Husband a heart attack because then I'd have to pay all the bills myself. And that's, frankly, boring.

My Favourite Guy...

is not M (you know I love him) but still he is not my favourite Guy, well not at the moment. My favourite Guy at the moment is Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall. Why? Because ultimately I want to have his life. To be able to sustain myself with the food that I grow in the garden and also meat that I rear in my back garden. I know it's a little bit hard and far fetch but hey it's a dream right?

What I like about this guy is that he keeps me motivated with his shows and everytime after I watch one of his shows, I feel inspired to do something. Problem is his shows are usually at night on Foxtel (cable) and I can't just potter around the garden to start planting things. I have his shows recorded on our recorder and I watch it over and over again. M is beginning to wonder if I am having an affair with Hugh. Hehehe.... 

Hugh has inspired me to go to my local market to search for fresh produce and to support my local farmers. He has also inspired me to cook and eat things that I normally wouldn't eat. For example who knew I would LOVE avocados! I use to hate eating them and would pick them off my sandwich or salad if they have Avocados. BUT NOOOW, I cannot have enough of it. I love them and use them instead of using butter in my sandwich. 

I cant wait to start gardening when the rain stops. Last summer was really bad, every single plant that I have DIED with the heat. Even my trusty Lime tree at the back died but we discovered the other day that little green shoots werr coming out from the dead tree so everything is not lost. I am hoping that it will come back stronger than the last tree. 

The only 2 plants that survived the heat was my lavender bush and my rosemary bush. It's getting out of control and I will have to get M to trim it down a little bit. With the Rosemary, I am thinking of drying it and maybe package it up nicely to give to friends as gifts. Hopefully I will get a blog post out on how to make your own dried herbs. 

Here is a list of plants that I want to get in soon. 

1. Beans.
2. Tomatoes
3. Chillies.
4. Fennel (which we have never tried planting before)
5. Butternut pumpkin
6. Potatoes.
7. Zucchinis
8. Eggplant.

Again we will be planting some in tubs and some on the ground in front. I can't wait to start planting and teaching the Lil' Tiger how to harvest them. :*). Lastly I leave you with a tribute to my favourite guy... It made my day. 

 

WORD.

I totally understand how it feels....

 

{via Bookfessions}

Inspired by TV...

 

Pictured above is the before and after photo of my potato plant. :*) I planted 2 tubs of potatoes four weeks ago and they are growing really quick. 

Being at cooped up at home during my maternity leave, I have been watching a lot of TV. Catching up on series that I have missed and new series or shows. 

I have been really inspired by 3 shows actually. The River Cottage, The Edible Garden and Grow Your Own Drugs. I have been tending to my garden and learning a lot from these shows. I watched these shows over and over again taking notes and applying it to my garden. I know these shows reign from the UK but I think I can apply some of it here in Australia. 

I have also been doing loads of research before planting instead of just planting them straight away. So far I have planted:-

• Tomatoes
• Potatoes
• Cucumber
• Peas
• Spring Onion
• Mint
• Coriander 
• Strawberries
• Silverbeets
• Bok Choi
• Ginger

Hopefully I will yield a good harvest this year compared to last year. Everything in my garden died last year because I was away on holiday. So this year I have decided to start again. I am hoping to blog about it as my garden progresses.

I have also been researching on Landshares and Community Gardens to see if I could apply to have a plot or allotment. There are quite a few out there. For those in Western Australia you can find the closest one to you at the Community Gardens WA website.  They are adding more and more gardens. For those in Australia you can find more information at the Australian City Farms and Community Gardens Network website.

It's a shame that I can't keep chickens and ducks on my property. :*)

Today's Fav...

[via stockholmstreetstyle]